Taking your woman for shopping: A survival guide

From the day the realizations dawned on me that women like to shop (speaking from general perception and no bias) and it can become a tedious experience for men who accompany them, I have tried to sensitize myself to the entire ordeal. Like any methodical and logical person, I started out associating myself with such exercises with other men, women and sometimes single-handedly taking on a girl to understand what it takes and how to be able to contribute positively. Over the years I started gaining a confidence that I could handle it when the D-Day comes and I have to accompany my lady, for shopping. A sense of pride filled me that something that is seemingly unachievable can be mastered through planning, dedication and effort. 

Let me digress a bit and share with you a particular incident which really tested me and at the same time had boosted my confidence. A female colleague of mine had asked me to accompany her after office on a weekday to help her buy some shoes. We went to Marathahalli and started scouting all those shops lining across the street, from the sellers in pavement to the ones in their fancy showrooms and factory outlets. We hopped on from one shop to another as she rejected all the choices offered to her by those sincere salespersons. Around 1.5 hours later, when I was almost at the verge of losing my patience (but did not do so), she decided to go into one of those makeshift shops that sell only garments. She suddenly remembered that she had to buy some track pants and felt overjoyed that she could finally buy them. 

Now, how one should prepare himself for these predicaments. In this blog, we would try and search an answer to this question. This can and will happen to all of us and we can only take preemptive measures to mitigate the disastrous effects these have on our peace of mind.

Firstly, we have to understand what are the driving factors that drive women on a shopping frenzy, especially when shopping in areas like New Market area in Kolkata, or in Sarojini in Delhi or in Commercial street in Bangalore. My experience tells me that the following are the buzzwords: SALE, FIXED PRICE and DISCOUNT. These draw women to the shops at least for a glance around, the driving force being, buying something at a much cheaper rate than her friend has bought. Some women derive a pleasure just by bargaining with the shopkeeper on the price while fictitiously insisting that her friend had bought the same thing at a lower price and finally not buying it at all! Some women just like to glance on all the display and commenting on each of them, a thing which we have come to know as window shopping, whereas for some women shopping is like a stress buster like chocolate!

So, how one can survive this?

Simple, if you cannot beat it, be a part of it and try to be something more than a porter. You may get to pick on some fashion nuggets that were completely beyond your comprehension level, like t-shirts with horizontal stripes make you look fat! Also, she may have a new found admiration for your taste and effort, and in due time you can reap those benefits suitably.

The first requirement, off course, is that you have to have patience. Last night, when I was out with my lady, I happened to notice a hapless guy, looking completely lost and overwhelmed, was being tugged through the narrow streets by her girlfriend. If you do not want to be that guy, read on!

As I was saying, the first thing you require is patience. You must control the rate of burning, and minimize it as much as possible so that you may survive the ordeal. If you are a hot-tempered guy, practise meditation!

Secondly, you should always encourage her to go for more. That has a two-fold benefit. One is that, you would not be crossing her that being out with her is boring you to death and second, she may get overwhelmed with all the things that she may feel tired and call it a day much earlier.

Thirdly, you should prove to her that other than being a lowly porter, you can be of use as well with your taste, and can actually help her to pick the perfect dress from the pile. You will be able to earn some respect and will be able to differentiate yourself from all those ‘jerks’ she had earlier been with. This may give you insights about her taste and choices, which you can use to surprise her later.

So, last night when I was taking my final exam, I was confident of cracking the code! How did I fare? Well, if you, at this point, are expecting that I had aced it, there’s no one more naive than you! I was humbled by the experience. Just when I thought, that okay, she was showing a certain pattern in picking out clothes from the pile, and all I have to do is follow it and pick out the next thing that she would consider to buy, BOOM, reality hit and with nothing more than a cursory glance and twitch of her neck, she rejected them one by one. Soon, my enthusiasm gave way to disappointment as I lost all hope.

However, I was amazed to see a shopkeeper’s skill. One look at her, and he could confidently say if the dress would fit her size or not. On the other hand, after eying so many girls over the years, we are miles away from such precision skill!

At the close of the day, I was feeling dejected that all my years of training myself had gone to gutters. When I thought that I could just wow her with my skills, she made me eat a humble pie. As we were returning in an auto, however, I realized that all she wanted of me was just to be there, hanging around with her, in one of those times she cherishes so much. She has allowed me to be a part of that ritual, and I was just glad for that, as shopping for a girl is a religious thing. So, as I watched her blowing away more than 5k in 1.5 hours, I insisted on playing my part, to be a humble lowly porter!